Aaah. So I just finished my third essay of Hilary Term. The essays are due each week to my tutor on Thursdays by 5 on email. For those of you who know what a perfectionist I am, you'll understand that I refuse to stop working until my deadline....no matter how hopeless it is to continue any more. Needless to say, I'm beginning to love just the thought of 5pm on Thursdays.
I've been putting off blogging for the entire week, simply because it becomes a bigger distraction than facebook for me. Last week I found my self writing forever or posting pictures on here...when I should have been reading or something...So this week I tried to fix that.
I have to say, no matter how much I am determined to accomplish more each week than the last, I always feel like it is simply never enough to produce an essay like I want to. Grant it, the essay narrows done all that information on a topic to just one question, but I just don't feel like I will ever be able to read enough. I definitely read a ton more this week than last week, but I feel as though all I've accomplished is giving myself more options of theories to choose from for a practically unsolvable discussion. I suppose that's just how it is though.
The more you know the more you realize you don't know anything at all.
I've decided that internal competitions are simply the most unpleasant to lose. I honestly couldn't care less how horrible of a writer I am in comparison to my tutor...obviously that's what I'm here to work on some....but feeling like I should just be able to construct a more precise argument each week from my reading and thinking that I may have just confused myself more in the middle of the essay than when I started...well, it's truly exhausting. At times I have this moment of brilliance where this decent idea for a thesis comes to mind...and then as I start to work it out it becomes completely illogical and just absurd. But I have to eventually just write....or else I find myself reading and reading and never putting my own thoughts down.
I do enjoy my topic though. Political Theory. This week I was supposed to determine where our obligations to the government or political sphere derive from since we're kind of just born into with no real choice in the matter. Questions like that are pretty interesting if you don't become like me and completely obsesses over whether staying in a country means you've chosen it or if you're just too complacent to decide.....my question was this:
"Involuntarily received benefits can not be grounds for political obligations" Discuss.
I'm glad that question is over.
For those of you who know me (room mates), you can guess how much I don't sleep on Wednesday nights anymore. I wonder if something like that will ever change or if I will always insist on toturing myself like that. I wonder if I can ever sleep the night before a paper is due. I truly don't remember the last time I did.. That should be on my to do list of things to work on.....in life. :)
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