Hooray for Weekends

Friday evening was another guest night of fancy dress- but this time I decided not to go. Instead I went to a spaghetti dinner at Sarah's house, which is only right down the road from me.

I had forgotten to return my book back to the library earlier....and actually hadn't even brought it with me...so I had to make an extra trip into town to do that. Then I was off to the grocery to pick up some ice cream for desert....in the store I ran into Seth, my tutor. It was weird to see someone I knew in Oxford that wasn't a student at Regents....and it was equally a strange coincidence that it happened to be my tutor. No that Oxford is that huge....but its big enough.

Anyway, I found my way to Sarah's street- Arnold Road- but had the hardest time finding her house! After awhile of pushing my bike back and forth along the street to each house because I couldn't see the numbers from the road and they seemed to be arranged funny- I finally found it. I was glad that I found it.

Caitlan, my friend Celia from London, and my friend Ula from Poland who now lives in Italy met me there to have dinner with Sarah. Sarah is also a student at Regent's, but she is a graduate and is married so that is why she has a house off on her own....It was so nice to be in a real house that wasn't part of school housing. It made me feel much more part of Oxford- even if I wasn't going to come every day or anything. Just knowing someone who lives in a real house here makes me feel more at home.

Sarah is from South Africa. Her parent's were missionaries there during Apartheid, so she's had a very interesting upbringing. She was telling us of the grade school she attended where the other children wouldn't have considered black people to even be human (because when you're a kid of course you just believe everything your parents tell you without question)- and the contrast this was to the way she was being raised by her parents who were teaching the black children in their mission school. Needless to say, Sarah now has the biggest heart for overcoming prejudice. She even worries about the fact that she, herself, is prejudice against prejudice people because she thinks of herself as less ignorant and better than someone who thinks they are better than someone else based on something as irrelevant as gender, class, or color to one's significance as a human...... It was also interesting to here her stories of people's response to her being African, since she is not black....."that would be like me supposing that you are not really American since you are not American-Indian"....I can only imagine how many stories she has from childhood about the ill effects that prejudice had on her country and then realize that I should be able to share a few stories of my own on that one.

The dinner was a great time to just relax with the girls, something I really needed after what I realized had been sort of a bad day when I was retelling them all of my experiences. We watched Vanity Fair- which reminded me of a Bristish version of Gone With The Wind as the main character, Becky was almost exactly like Scarlet. I was very disappointed with the movie's ending but maybe I would have followed it better if I had read the book.

Saturday was less eventful. I relaxed most of the day then at night went to see a play called Groping for Words. It was about illiteracy in today's society and one of the guy's from Regent's, Ed, was playing one of the four characters. Ed was also in the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Ryan and I went at 7 and they had only 3 tickets left so we felt lucky to get 2 of them at the last minute.

Tonight I returned to Christ church and was again most uplifted by the amazing sound of the boys choir on this first Sunday of Lent. While I'm not giving up anything for Lent, I did participate in making pancakes with some of the Regent's girls last Tuesday night. This a big tradition here to use up all of the extra eggs, flower, and whatnot in the fridge before Lent begins. So I tried my hand at making english pancakes (Which were like crepe)...they were really thin. I flipped one in the pan and that was exciting.....

Anyway, tonight all of us Georgetowners attended evensong at Christ church with Dr. Hadaway . Then we went back to the gtown flat for breakfast dinner! I was happy to get a real meal on a Sunday besides my usual pasta and rice....and it was nice to spend some time with our group kind of reflecting on the past few weeks. Great conversation and company can never dissappoint...and this was certainly the case as it was nearly 1am when we decided to head back to home on Stanley Road.


So a nice end to a relaxing weekend...though it seemed to have come and gone way too fast. I guess they all tend to do that.

The Comedy Must Go On

I've avoided writing this weekend simply because I've decided that I'm creating these self-fulfilled prophesies of disaster. I've realized that much of what I'm writing has to do with mishaps and things that go slightly off during my time here in Oxford- and I don't want to send the impression that everyday there is perpetual catastrophe-

My reason for sharing these awkward moments is more about memorable experiences and getting through them- Whohas ever been interested in reading about the perfect day where everything goes just fine? Great stories are always built on some great conflict right? Finding resolution is what move the plot and makes it worthwhile to read ....whether comedy or tragedy....you know, where characters go through a series of struggles until everyone ends up dead or married...a dreadful ending or a happy one.....So, I would like to present my little sequences of obstacles as more of a comedy. Not that I'm going to end up married... but I certainly get a good kick out of myself......and I will go ahead and speculate on a happy ending just because it's not in me to think things will end up otherwise...

...so comedy it is.....and I invite you all to feel no shame in laughing at my misfortunes when I share them.....


This brings me to Friday.

I woke up fully recovered from the night of wrestling with that essay and ready to face not only a tute but also an outing on the river to qualify for the torpids competition next week.

The Oxford Understanding
I had about two hours to prepare the presentation of my essay's argument so I began working on that...This was a new challenge that my tutor presented with....because the last week I hadn't done so well at presenting my argument, even though the essay was written well. My tutor said he didn't know if this was because I was initimidated by the one on one factor or if I just was not good at verbalizing....in fact he had tried to work with me on presenting a the specific differences between rights based versus property based views of freedom-which I completely failed to repeat to him. His conclusion was that I make too much eye contact during the arguments---looking to him for affirmation rather than pursuing my own thoughts regardless of the feedback----this was a fair judgement I think. Perhaps I do tend to be a little reluctant to aggressively present my own opinions for fear of just getting it wrong......which would reveal itself in my tendency to seek affirmation from my tutor's expression.

He proceeded to tell me that my explanations are often incoherent ramblings that are only an attempt to fill spaces of silences- essentially making them only random noises.

Fair enough....It wasn't until later...as in about 4 days later....that I thought about how insulted most students would have felt by this criticism. Perhaps even a year ago I might have let this bruise my intellectualy pride for weeks- after all, Speech competitions were my niche in highschool-and impromptu was my strongest event! Verbal communication should seem rediculously easy for me by now right?

Yet for some reason I am uninjured by the idea that my words are rendered meaningless- obviously because I didn't even mention it on here last week. I don't know if this means I spent way too much time waitressing last year, and am now just hardened to criticisms on the fruits of my labor and basic abilities....or if I've just fully granted the relationship that exists in the Oxford tutorial system- one of brutal honesty that is meant to challenge and construct.

I hope it is the latter, and I believe that it is. I tend to think of it like the understanding between my track coach and me when I was pushing to knock those seconds off in the last lap of the 800 meter run....he knew when I had more to give, often when even I failed to realize it.


Pre-Tutorial Jog
I knew Seth was right about my ramblings though- which made it easy to take the criticism. And this week I was going to make an effort to improve on that-I gave myself about 15 minutes to bike to the social science library. Since I had to reschedule my meeting for half an hour earlier for rowing, I was leaving from the house this morning rather than from lunch at Regents.

Well, I went outside, and as luck would have it- my bike was locked int he back gated yard!!! Out of the two or three bikes that had been leaning against the back gate, mine was apparently the chosen one to be placed INSIDE when the yard crew or whoever they were needed to get in that morning.....I tried to open the padlock using the combination that I remembered, but it just wouldn't budge. You can imagine how panicky this made me as I was about to be late for the tutorial that I had rescheduled for an earlier time! I went through the house to find no one available to help and decided that my only hope was to leave now while I still had 13 minutes--to run to my tutorial session.

While this was only 1 and 1/4 mile away, I realized that my distance running stamina is not what it used to be and had to walk to catch my breath a few times. And I wondered what all the people walking along the pavement would think of this girl wearing jeans and a backpack racing her little way through the crowds around oxford. Not that it mattered what they thought....and perhaps I shouldn't flatter myself to think that they would notice.

Nevertheless I made it through the doors of the social science library at exactly 1:30. So not all was lost. I entered the conference room a breathless mess, and felt the need to give my tutor at least some explanation- and maybe a good laugh. I guess one thing most Oxford dwellers have in common is a good bike story or two. He shared some of his with me...like the time he broke his key in his bike lock, which he thought was pretty thick, and a guy was able to chop right through it for him. How comforting in a town where bike theft is one of the most common contributers to crime rate.....And then there was the time when he came out to find his bick thrown into a dumpster!...well, my bike was definitely secure...and at least it had not been thrown away.....

My presentation of arguments had improved since the week before. And my paper, while not as good as last week was still significantly better than the first four. So that was encouraging. We discussed arguments of equality and distributive justice- and I while I don't feel the need to elaborate on all of that here, I will say that my lessons have given me a deeper realization of the complexities of many issues that seem so simple on the surface....something like equality is such a foundational ideal yet is understood so differently from many perspectives. I often wonder how nice it would be not to have to be faced with such controversial issues to write about each week- and then I remember that my goal at Oxford is to challenge everything- so any topic here I guess becomes a bit of a controversy, or the essay isn't worth reading.....


Cause You Know I'm Always Late....
After the tutorial, I headed off to the river to meet the girls for rowing. Of course I would be a little late because I didn't have my bike....but I didn't exactly realize how late I would be. As I came down the path by the river I met several of the girls who said "It's over"

"What? Over?"

"Yeah, it was at 1:30"

You've got to be kidding me. Apparently, while I was obsessing over my essay for 15 hours, I had been sent an email telling me about the time change for our rowing event. Unfortunately I failed to check my email and thus presented everyone on my team with a good dose of stress, panic, and frustration as a result of my negligence. I apologized to Hannah, but I was truly aggravated with myself to have let the team down like that. It's no fun screwing up, especially when it's completely unintentional. I feel if I were doing things to spite people I probably wouldn't feel that pain of guilt......on account as I would just be a mean person. But to fail an entire team by a mistake that would have been so simple to avoid- well, it was a downer to say the least.

Most of my awkward moments have been slightly laughable...this one pretty much wasn't. Luckily Caitlain was able to row in my place...but I still felt awful for not showing up when I was suppose to be there. This is one of those stories that would be nice not to include in my Oxford adventures....but I guess it would be dishonest to just present myself as a perfect individual as the rest of this blog would imply, right?

Interestingly enough, only an hour before in my tutorial I was discussing the fact that people make mistakes, and while there has to be some level of responsibility, it seems that there should also be a bit of forgiveness extended as well on the account that no one can live a perfectly wise life. The irony of this is that while I'm sitting in a room theorizing about mistakes people make- I was presently making a ton of people angry at me for my own ignorance.....

Anyhow, I have to trust that this too will become just another story of many to grow from on my Oxford trip...anyone who knows me well knows that I despise drama and will avoid conflict at all costs....but I seem to be finding myself in enough of it lately. Ah well, I guess it keeps this story going.

Wasting Away....

I've decided I may be losing weight. I'm noticing my wrists and they look exceptionally unhealthy. I've been taking multivitamins, but I don't think I've been eating enough lately. This is mostly because I rowed everday this week, except today.

Sunday we were supposed to do Isis or something like that but our boat wasn't licensed so that didn't work out. Either way, I just woke up and went so I didn't really eat until 3 or 4

Monday was the session in the tank at 1...which is during lunch...

Tuesday was on the river..at 1:30..so I ate a litte bit of fruit and had to leave....

Then Yesterday was at 1 so I just woke up at 12 and ate toast....

Today I was finishing up my essay which was due at 5.... so I just skipped lunch

Tomorrow my tute is at 1:30 becase the qualifying round for the Torpids rowing competition is during my normal tute time....

So it seems I won't be getting a decent lunch tomorrow either. Then Saturday and Sunday are always an afterthought when it comes to food since we don't eat in the dining hall....
so I may turn out to be shamefully unhealthy this week. Fortunately it looks like we are having dinner with Dr. Hadaway in the Georgetown Flat on Sunday! It is nice to have someone from Georgetown here for a little while.

I may be not getting enough food really, but there's no doubt I'm getting plenty of exercise. My legs haven't been this strong since my senior year in track.....all this biking and rowing keeps them alive. It will be sad if I lose all of my strength over the break.

I can't believe it's already Thursday again! My paper this week did not go very well. I went to start working on it yesterday.....and somewhere around 7 or 8am I was finally able to settle on a question and outline to start writing with. I don't know if I just didn't understand the reading or if none of the questions appealed to me, or if I was just too nervous about not doing well to start, or if I just was so exhausted from all the rowing and Wicked fun that I just couldn't concentrate. I read all week and then yesterday/today for 10 hours or so and still just felt completely incompetant to discuss my issue (Which this week was choosing between Equality, Sufficiency, or Priority theories of distributive justice)

I'm seriously nervous about tomorrow's meeting because 1. I know that my essay is not as complete as last week's and 2. I'm supposed to present my argument for five minutes and do a better job of discussing my topic. This should not be something that I am unable to do, but I seem to just either be too tired or too clueless to carry on an alert dialogue. Maybe if I just work on it conciously before going it will turn out okay.

I only have 2 more essays left for Hilary term! I am excited about completing it, but on the other hand I have nothing prepared for the break where I will be traveling Europe- and if once the break is over then its all work again and then time to go home!! I need to get to London more often. It's too close not to go.

Well, I really should try to get sleep tonight considering I have a tute and rowing tomorrow. I wonder what the weekend will bring. Nothing planned as of yet so I guess anything goes :)

Wicked Nights

Well now that I've completed the most disasterous essay of my life, I guess I can now write a little more....but on something much more simple than theories of distributive justice.

All this week has been a rush...mostly because instead of working on monday I went to London with Caitlan to see the musical Wicked! First we had a tank session for rowing which has been quite a work out lately.

I love the bus! We met Kristie and Ryan at Victoria station and decided that it would be most original and broaden our cultural horizons by eating at KFC! Well, the main reason we ate here is because we could get a family meal for 13 pounds, which was a great deal at 3 pounds each. That is probably the most I've eaten for the least amount of money since I've been here...

KFC!!

The meal was complete with a liter of Pepsi....so I in light of this special occasion I drank my first soda since July. 7 months was a pretty good run....and since we just drink water for meals here, there is definitely no risk in me having too much pepsi. It's easy to resist if there isn't any to have I guess.

Verity, Caitlan, Me, Krisitie !

Our friend Verity met us there at the food court. She is from London so she had gotten us the tickets, and since we went on a weekday the tickets were a great deal. Our seats were in the last row, but that didn't really matter...the lighting was absolutely amazing. My favorite color has always been greens and teals...and then somewhere along the way, while I've refused to admit this, I've had a thing for violets since I came to college. I've always insisted that its just a nice color for decorating....but my room mates insist there's more to it. Ah, anyway, everything in the building was in the theme of green!! All the way down to the soap in the bathroom.






Caitlan and I met these women from Boston when we were in line for the restrooms...Its amazing how distinct the American accent is when your not used to hearing it! That sounds completely rediculous since clearly I am American, but it's not like I spend the entire day talking to myself. So by now I really don't perk up to an English accent as much as I will an American one.







So wicked, I don't believe I have every seen a presentation on stage that was so elaborate and beautiful! I've always been a fan of Wizard of Oz so it was a great storyline - about the history of Ephabae- the wicked witch of the west......and Glenda- the good witch.


Afterwards Caitlan and I headed to the bus stop...well the bus was driving off right as we were getting there!! We started running towards it because we didn't want to wait another half hour- luckily the bus driver stopped at another spot right around the corner to let us in.

I tried to get some reading finished on the way back but there were these two guys and this Welsh man that just kept telling jokes and basically talking the whole way. So I didn't accomplish much.

The bike ride home from Regents was rainy! I love the fact that I get in at least half an hour of quality bike riding everyday, but when it's after 1am and I get to Iffley road..which is about 3/4 mile of just hill....I have to say that the biking loses its luster....of course I'm just so glad I'm not walking in that rain :) One thing I've definitely learned....it could always be worse!

Wow

Wicked was so great! The colors, the music, the plot, everything was just fantastic. I can't wait to put my pictures up but I will have to until the end of the week when I actually have some spare time.

Big Plans

Today I am going to London to see "Wicked" with Caitlan, Verity, Ryan, and Kristy!

I cannot wait! My uncle bought me the book this summer and it's a shame I have not read it yet. I will have to put that on my to do list.

Before I go though, I have an hour rowing session in the tank :) So will see if I'm still alive enough afterwards to make it to London.

Weekend Fun

Friday and Saturday night were eventful.

On friday night after formal hall the JCR had a student version of "Blind Date" -one of those cheesy dating game shows where people basically set themselves up for embarassment...this version was no different of course and was a ton of fun to watch.

Afterwards, Ryan, Caitlan, Kristie, Yihlyn, Ben and I went to D&B's icecream where they have pictures of organic cows. :)

Saturday we had some of Georgetown's administrators stop by. President Crouch treated us to dinner at the Mitre. I felt completely spoiled but of course I indulged in probably my first and last steak for the duration of my study abroad. This was topped off with a delightful fudge brownie sunday and a latte!

One of the trustees I was sitting by happened to be the son in law of a former principle of Oneida Baptist who was my next door neighbor when I lived there. (that principle, Henry, was coincidently a graduate of Gtown) It's always interesting to make connections with people concerning OBI. It seems that no matter where I go, someone always knows somebody that went there or served there or has some connection with the school. I remember Henry having family come into visit frequently when I was young, so it's strange to think I've probably seen this trustee when I was playing in my backyard on the trampoline with Noel Spencer and my sister.....and probably disturbing them as well with our little boom box cranked up to the max. Those were good days weren't they, Noel?

A running theme of this study abroad experience seems to be those small catastrophes that find their way to me....tonight of course was no different when as I was leaving the restaurant I realized that I couldn't find my camera anywhere.

Unfortunately, the boys had called the cab while us girls were still in the restroom....so every moment I was looking for my camera was costing me literally. I was about to give up, and so I put my name in at the front desk, and then on one final look in the bathroom (where I had already looked twice) I found it on the top of this shelf..

..Seriously if I could take some kind of medication to help me pay attention to where I leave things my life would be so much better. I think I have a mild amnesia or something. There are just these little gaps where I can't remember the small but significant things. I told Ryan to let the cab go with out me, but that didn't work out, and I ended up having to pay extra for this cab waiting for me. (luckily I actually had the cash from my little ATM visit Thursday night-so I suppose in the end, that catastrophe was worth being able to pay for this one) Being the overly frugal person I am -situations of wasted money become great frustrations to me-ah. This one of those situations.

That night we had a party at our house for Kristie and Tyler and post-valentines. It was a good time and a nice top off to the weekend before the work begins again.

Science Field Trip Day

Last Sunday Kristie, Ryan and I took a little trip to the Botanical Gardens of Magdalen College and then to the Natural Science Museum.

Here are some of the shots of the Botannical Gardens:

This is me with the holy Kristie and Purse Statue.

The museum of Natural Science was so interesting- apparently the first dinosaur ever recorded was found here in Oxford- also, the is the place were Lewis Carrol got much of his inspiration for the creatures of Alice and Wonderland. He would come to the museum to study different animals- like the Dodo Bird which used to be in Oxford.

I love dinosaurs!

I take the phrase "Get Lost" literally

I seem to have reached a very predictable pattern of working all week and then having my exciting times on the weekends. This weekend is the first in a while that I have not ventured somewhere with Kristie and Ryan, yet it's still had its notworthy events...

On thursday night we celebrated Kristie and Tyler's 21st birthday! Myself and the other Stanley Road house mates had dinner at this nice little chicken place that I can't remember the name of sadly. I'm still having to get used to the price range for eating here- because a 5.25 chicken sandwhich in America would seem reasonable - but that here it means I'm really paying nearly 11 bucks! I suppose that makes going out to eat all the more special though, and I love birthdays so it was nice to have two to celebrate in the same night!

After wards we headed to a club called "The Bridge". Which is where I had yet another unfortunate catastrophe in my life. As we met up witha bunch of our friends, one of the guys stopped at the ATM...So after he was finished I put my card in and started my transaction- what I didn't notice was that the group was walking away at this moment...but of course instead of yelling after them when I did notice, I just assumed that I would be able to catch up.

Wrong.

After Retrieving my 10 pound note, I realized that I couldn't see the group anywhere-- so I just kept on walking straight down Cornmarket St. thinking I should eventually catch up. After a while I realized the people I saw in the distance were not my friends. I turned around and walked back to the atm....and then walked back down Cornmarket again thinking the club might be close by and I would notice it....my problem was that I had no clue which club they had decided to go to...so even if I passed it, I wouldn't know to go inside. I then mustered the courage to ask some random guy to list some clubs off to see if it would jog my memory...

He finally mentioned Bridges and I was excited to recongnize the name......so he gave me directions to go down this road and over this bridge...and I was excitedly back in business...

Or so I thought.

Tragically, after about a 7 -10 minute walk down this road I realized that I was not getting there...so I asked another random man for directions and he informed me that it was a 10-15 minute walk in the exact direction that I came from! How horrible.

Surprisingly, I did not let myself get to disturbed about this situation. There was not much I could do about it besides try to find it. I was mainly concerned that the others might be a little worried for me by now and not enjoy their time out- but hopefully they would just figure I went home....and I would have done just that except that I thought that a 2 mile walk alone might not be the safest decision around midnight.

As I trudged back up the hill by Christ Church it started to rain. Thankfully, while my heeled boots turned out to be a very bad decision for the miles of walking I was doing, my hooded coat turned out to be a good one. I finally did make it to bridges, which had a very long waiting line to even get in, and then a system where I would have to wait in the bar and hope my ticket number was called to get to go into the actual dance area. After standing in the line for a few moments I realized that I may not ever get my number called, my friends may not even have chosen this club, and truly, I may not ever even find them once I get in. Not to mention, I had stayed up all night writing my essay and couldn't imagine staying alive much less awake for very much longer.....

My feet by this point were so worn out and I really did not think walking home would be smart....So in the end, I chose to go back to college and sleep there until breakfast and my tutorial the next day. Caitlan was a very kind friend and let me nap in her room before my tutorial the follwoing day.

Explaining this story is another moment where I'm thinking "how does this happen"?? (for the record, the group had turned a corner very close to the atm machine, which is why they basically "disappeared" from sight so quickly)I believe I may have some strange issues with attention or perhaps just common sense. It reminded me of the time when I was three years old and got lost in Fort Campbell fair on the fourth of July- one minute I get distracted and the next I don't have a clue where anyone is! The good thing I suppose is that I have found myself in these situations so often, that I no longer panic about them. So my crisis management skills have to pretty sharp by now- considering I'm constantly finding myself in crisis situations.

Finally, a Breakthrough

Last week seemed like one continuous day of reading, writing, and rowing. After last week's paper that seemed to be just a complete disaster I was determined to at least produce an essay that was on the same level as what I had the first two weeks. And if after all of this my essay did not turn out any better than before, I was just going to consent to the fact that I couldn't do any better. Right. Because there's no reason to have unrealistic expectations if its obvious that my best will just only allow me to reach a certain level.

This week I tried to compare my research and writing to one of my cross country races...because in a race I could find a comfortable pace that I could just run forever at, and while I would cross the finish line in a decent amount of time, I wouldn't likely be any faster than the last time or be competitive as a racer. Once I found that pace that got me in the top 10 I realized that making say to the top 3 required a painful amount of effort. In other words, if it did not burn then I probably wasn't going to get a top time or placing.

So, thinking back to some of those races that I actually won, and remembering how much I had to push to actually go from a satisfactory top 10 position to a first helped motivate me to make it burn this week- intellectually speaking....because I just could not stand another tutorial with my tutor telling me I had reached a "Plateau" and wasn't improving. What could be worse seriously, then being told that you don't seem to be able to do any better than you are.

I finished all my reading this week before wednesday, which gave me much more time to think about the issue-this week it was Distributive Justice. Although it was still 10pm wednesday night before I had anything substantial written. And even though I started more than 12 hours earlier writing than usual, it still took me until 5 pm then next day before I was finished. I sometimes wonder if my mid essay writing blocks are a psychological obstacle, or if I seriously just can't write as time-efficiently as other people. In essence, this essay took me a good 15 hours from the time I actually put words on the paper.

At 5:00 when I was finishing up and looking back over it, I was just so fed up with writing it and trying to improve it that it all seemed pretty much like the biggest mess I had ever made of a paper. Knowing that there was not much more I could have done to improve it, yet realizing that this best effort still might not have produced any higher quality of results just gave me the worst gut feeling.

When I went in the tutorial on Friday, I explained the parts that I thought I struggled with and the parts I thought I had improved upon, like I normally do. And I was relieved when my tutor said that I had earned a first on this one. A couple of thoughts went through my head with this. First, I was so exhausted from the week, and still so critical of my work that even the approval of my essay just didn't seem to excite me as much as I thought it would. Secondly, I thought of the overwhelming reality that I have now set the standard for my papers to where receiving less than that will be a huge dissappointment- so as much work as I put out last week- I have to continue with equal if not more work on after this. Thankfully, I have regained some motivation to do the work since it actually makes a difference and I actually can improve. I think that is what I am the most relieved to have discovered. Yet, it is still a daunting task and it won't come easy. Having a bit of affirmation in my abilities as a student was a welcomed and refreshing experience. Even if I'm not able to perform as well as I want to in the upcoming weeks, at least I will have completed one satisfactory essay.

As decent as my essay was this time, my actual performance in the tutorial left much to be desired. Though I had spent all night writing and constructing my arguments, I somehow couldn't verbalize any of this. So now my tutor wants me to develop summaries of my arguments that I will present when I arrive in the tutorials. As I sat there across the table I wanted so badly to express the arguments that I felt like I understood in my mind. Yet when ever I tried to speak it just came out as the most garbled mess. I believe that the only true way to improve this is to actually get sleep during the week.

Oxford has given me so much time to spend with myself in such an open scheduled environment that my weakenesses are becoming evermore apparent to me. I don't think my time management is the most horrible in the world, but the time that I seem to be managing is about 6 hours later than what it should be. And then there's my obsessive work ethic which prevents me from sleeping after I have begun my essay writing I'm sure does not serve me well in the long run. The fact is, I don't know what its like anymore to not stay up all night working. When people are surprised by my horrible habits, I become a little perplexed as to how it is that they never have to work through the night to get something done right. Is this something that only I struggle with?

Maybe I will work on this in the upcoming weeks. I don't know that perfectionism is something that can be solved really though. And then sometimes I wonder that if I would have ever accomplished anything without it. My greatest weakness is also my source of motivation?? Maybe that isn't very sensible, but I suppose the thing to think more about is how to control it at least. Be cause this "all or nothing" mentality really tends to lead me to extreme practices- like pulling all nighters constantly, and never being satisfied with what I actually decide to put my effort in....okay, well this self reflection is probably more than enough for now.

I am glad that my work was worth it this week. And I hope that next week I can live up to my standards without irrational obsession.

A Unique Surprise

Sometimes I feel like I am the most oblivious person.


Last Tuesday I was walking through the halls of Regent's I noticed a giant poster telling me that Ravi Zaharias was in Oxford doing lunch lectures TODAY! and the next two days...I'm not sure how I missed this sign before...there's no telling how long it has been here..and I was dissappointed that I had already missed the first day...but I was certainly going to make time to go on Wednesday.



For those of you who don't know him...and it seems like most people I've asked haven't....



(which, always seems to work out like that- because celebrities that I'm just supposed to know of because I'm a living human somehow I've never heard of...but famous/yet obscure theology guy? sure. got that covered.) -



-anyway, Ravi is a theologian that I was first introduced to through my world history teacher at Oneida Baptist Institute- Mr. Self....since it was a private school, we could read whatever, so Mr. Self chose this book to go alongside our normal readings called "Jesus Among Other Gods"- basically a comparison of the Christian Jesus to the worlds primary worldviews revealing truths of each and why Christianity is both fundamentally different...and correct....



He was in Oxford to speak for a conference for Christian Union whose mission this year is Unique...http://oiccu.org.uk
I won't go into his speech here...unless maybe later I decide to. I really will just recommend that book...or another "Can Man Live Without God"....he just has a very good grasp on competing worldviews that makes it easy to understand the differences between them. I was very excited to hear him though, and I will share one story that impressed me:


He was asked to speak at a United Nations conference on "Navigating the Absolute in a Relativist World"...under the condition that he did not bring religion into it. So he basically strikes a deal saying that he will speak for 25 of the 30 minutes on the topic they ask him to....as long as they give him the remaining 5 minutes to explain why his Jesus fulfills all the areas where people are trying to find an absolute answer...and they agree...



so he names 4 areas 1.evil 2.justice 3. love and 4. forgiveness that the world is seeking absolution on and can't seem to find....especially in something like United Nations where everyone is coming from such starkly different back grounds.....how do you define and evil regime exactly? and how doyou bring violators to justice?


After his speech he follows with the explanation of the Cross, the only event ever where these 4 realities of the world can converge into one....standing in stark contradiction to any other worldview because Jesus offered himself....Ravi said there was "a stillness in the banquet room and not one hostile reaction" to what he had just explained.....


I could go on about that story on a number of levels, but what I admire the most is his courage in witnessing...not necessarily forcing people....but simply taking that opportunity when he saw it arise in a place where it just seems completely out of character to happen...I think it is interesting that among Christians we don't hear enough of these situations...positive experiences of Christians in a political world...even if it doesn't exactly agree...I wish more young people would know of Ravi and his story. When I worked with youth this summer I found that it was so easy for them to just give up for many different reasons and in many different areas, but perhaps if they were presented images as this one- instances of real people immersed in a truly spiritually diverse atmostphere-having the commitment to share Jesus in a nonthreatening way, and it turning out fine, if not even positively. So I was encouraged, a maybe others could be too.

There where some other great truths discussed, and some very heavy topics as well. Some good stuff to process over some time. I wish Mr. Self could have been there to enjoy it with me, and maybe he will make it down to Georgia this summer, where Ravi will be for a little while.

For more info on Ravi and his ministry I highly suggest http://www.rzim.org.

It is funny how you end up crossing paths with unexpected opportunities.....or people for that matter. At the lunch lecture I ran into a girl I met during my library induction over 4 weeks ago now...her name is Michelle and she is visiting this semester from Hong Kong. Her and her fried Donna who was with her at the lecture both go to Wadham College here. So it was nice seeing her again and comparing tutorial experiences. Apparently her tutor has the disease where she can remember peoples facial features. I can't remember what it is called, but Michelle told me that if they are meeting somewhere in public her tutor might look at her and then just turn away- having no clue who she is....that has nothing to do with Ravi or anything. But it is an interesting little story.

This even was in town hall. Here are a few random pictures...it, as is usual for Oxford, was beautiful.

Celebrate the Music...Rave style...

So tonight I'm breaking out the Brad Paisley. I think I almost forgot what country music sounded like, seeing as it's been about a month since I've been exposed to it. Some of you would laugh at this...and some of you will wonder what else I could want to listen to...

but as much as I love my acoustic, electronica, alternative, jazz, blues, classical, and many variations of rock, sometimes I just need a good song about getting my pickup stuck in the mudd....even though I drive a grand am...and come to think of it...I haven't seen any pickups here in oxford. ah well.

its strange how something like music have such a huge impact on a mood, or bond a group of people, or fill that lonely void of silence, become an event itself, or even set the theme for a great party......


I've noticed myself not listening to my music as often as I used to...or at least in the same situations. Generally if I'm going to study in a library or be in my room for a long time alone I would have to have something on. Not just because I wanted to drowned out the noise of other people, or keep myself company...but because the opportunity to be alone and just enjoy my music didn't present itself often- especially sharing a room of 3 for two years....

now I find myself reading for hours or just being alone without any background noise. I haven't thought much about this, but it is something I've noticed lately. I especially don't need it to study in the libraries which are deathly silent.

People who know me well, know that I love my music. I sometimes think I need music like I need food, or sleep....there are times when I just need to listen to a particular group or song to be fully content in the moment. I've come to depend on my ipod for these times. Generally this little tool is the only way I'm able to spend much time listening to my music...since I'm reading in silence most of the day-but that bike ride to college.....or sometimes a long walk...presents the perfect opportunity for me to just indulge in my favorite albums....at times I'll listen to something amazingly energetic to help me keep up the pace...or sometimes I mellow out to some Ben Harper after a long day....but then there are those times when a country song will come on the shuffle as I'm walking through the bustling city of Oxford...and even though I know that nobody else can hear it, the fact that it just seems so out of place in this atmosphere makes me laugh to myself and feel like I need switch the song to something more relevant to my surroundings....

One thing I'm loving about Oxford is a concert venue called the Zodiac which hosts many non-superfamous indy/rock/random bands.....while I have not taken the chance to go yet, I couldn't believe it when Krisitie told me that Tilly and the Wall, one of my favorite groups is coming to play on March 4th!!!! I cannot wait.

(photo:groundcontroltouring.com)

My latest "musical" encounter was last night's "Rave" hosted by some of the girls here at Regent's College who live in house off campus......the party planners are huge music fans, so they were all about the mini-rave in their living room- complete with flashing bicycle lights hanging from the ceiling. Because Regent's is so small, pretty much everyone comes to whatever is going on........While I chose not to show off my amazing dance skills for everyone, it was a good end to the long week, and it was nice to spend some time with some of the other Regent's girls who seem even more buried in the books than I am....a few pictures from the evening :)

Winter on the Horizon

Last week was a long one. Perhaps it is because winter has finally arrived here in Oxford...yes, after weeks of wondering whether or not I might accidently have come to the wrong country...the cloudy days and SNOW have arrived!

As I was working on my essay around 6am Thursday, I received an email telling me that morning Rowing practice had been cancelled due to heavy snow! This seemed odd to me as I had not noticed it snowing the night before, but sure enough I pulled back my curtain to find myself surrounded by a winter wonderland.
(This is a picture from upstairs my house looking out of the front window)

Unfortunately I had to spend the day working, but I enjoyed watching the snow lazily fall in front of my window.

(View from my window)

Pictures of the front yard. >>>

(View from upstairs at the houses behind ours)
Now, any day where I am able to do something I have never done before, I consider to be a worthwhile day of my life. This particular day became one of those as I ventured out to afternoon rowing practice....on my bike.

While the snow covered rooftops and trees make for a magical scene.....muddy slush covered highways and sidewalks do not. Making it on the main road was not so bad after I got used to the idea of being splattered with smush from the passing vehicles. However, when I turned on the side path to the athletic complex I encountered quite another obstacle in the snowed that had been packed down on the pavement. Sliding in a car a bit is one thing, but when the slightest sway one way or another might mean a runaway cycle, careful steering takes on new importance. Now, I suppose I could have gotten off the bike and walked it to the complex, but seriously, where's the excitement in that? I faced my new snow biking challenge head on like I stubbornly or curiously do many things. After Rowing I caught this sight of the most massive snow man ever on my way out of the athletic complex.

The next morning (Friday) most of the snow had melted, but winter's wrath showed no mercy on crazy Oxford cyclers like myself. The morning commute to college seemed unusually long as my face endured the fierceful beating of tiny ice pellets and a ruthless wind. Memories of Cross Country and Track seasons came flooding back to me, as I recounted many a race where I willingly subjected my self to far more serious sleet attacks wearing far less layers of clothing. I eventually just accepted the fact that I had to possess either a touch of insanity or stupidy or maybe a little of both for continuing those races....and 4 years later this bike ride to college confirmed my original conclusions.

What a day.

My 4th tutorial occured later Friday afternoon, and while my essay could have been much better than it was, I still enjoyed discussing the topic with my tutor a bit. If only I could understand the arguments as well from my reading as I do conversing with my tutor! But I suppose that's not how its suppose to work. While I felt like I had finally figured out the reading/writing process the day before, my tutor proved to me otherwise. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I again realized that I simply cannot let up here one bit, especially because by now my tutor knows precisely what I'm capable of in his opinion and striving for any less than that will make for a very pointless/awkward tutorial session at the end of the week- as he and I both know that I can do better. So, as I begin the second half of my Hilary term, I am newly challenged to push myself a little, or a lot harder to continuing improving on, well basically everything that goes in to producing good work.

It is interesting to me how I am having to adjust my work ethic- because it's not just about how much time I put in or how hard of an effort I am making, but I must improve upon actual skills that I'm suppose to already possess...such as comprehension, analysis, and developing an argument within a very short amount of time- it's not just about spending 5+ solid days working independently, but about making every hour count for something in improving intellectually as well. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who looks at it this way or not- but I do know that my tutor is going to notice and acknowledge it if I don't make these efforts. And, next to living up to my own unrealistically high self- expectations, that is possibly the most challenging accountability I've ever had as a student.

So here's looking to another week of trying my best to actually get to that level of feeling like I am doing my best...and realizing that might be one of those things like the horizon...remaining just out of reach with each step towards it.