What's Next

Everyday I grow more jealous of people at home who are enjoying summer without an essay looming over their head. I just felt the need to mention that. Every day I wake up planning on getting right to work...and find myself able to waste more time than than should be humanly possible. I stayed awake until 3 am last night...I had cleaned my room until about 2 but then went downstairs and ended up talking to Alanna for much longer than I planned. I really needed a good chat though. I just made it sound like I was a complete disaster in terms of cleanliness- my room wasn't that bad- but I've managed to misplace a 50lb. note that I just "know" I left in my drawer. I've noticed it missing for a couple of weeks now, but have decided not to look for it because usually that doesn't really help. Recent events, however, have demanded that I find it.

The day before yesterday I checked my mailbox to find my Debit Card there waiting for me. This was strange because I didn't even realize I had lost it! Upon checking my account I 've found 60 bucks spent on it at the Tesco (a grocery store here). I'm glad to have my card back...but nothing about this situation makes any sense. Why would some one spend my money then return my card to college? Why wouldn't they just keep it? My worst fear is that who ever did spend the money kept my number for later use.....This means that I really need to shut my card down. But I have 2 1/2 weeks left here....I can't just not have access to my money. I was hoping to find my 50 pound note- at least then I would feel like I could shut the card down and have a reasonable amount to get me by until the end. The note HAS to be in my room unless it was stolen. So I'm hoping that it just turns up, as things tend to do with me. But if I'm going to shut my card down...I don't want to take out money and then find the 50 pounds and not need to spend them!!!!

Thinking about all of this just makes me angry. I'm angry at myself if I irresponsibly misplaced both my cash and my card. Secondly, I 'm angry that someone would steal from me. Either way of course, it falls back on me to have not been more careful with my money. Most of all, I'm frustrated because I don't know what to do about it next. I am the most tight person with my money out of every one I know. To spend money beyond necessity for me generally takes a lot of convincing and reasoning with my self. To think that someone else would spend my money so generously is almost ironic- or maybe it isn't exactly irony- but it is bothersome. It makes me feel like I really cannot justify doing a lot of the things I wanted to do before I left. If I had planned to spend, say 200 more bucks before leaving....well 160 is already accounted for- even if my 50 pounds has not been spent...it seems to be as good as gone as I cannot find it anywhere.

I've maintained a fairly reasonable attitude about. Really there is nothing much I can do. If I lost my 50 and don't find it, then I just have to accept that. Even if it had been strangely stolen- I really cannot know or expect it to be returned. So I just need to accept that its gone.

As far as my credit card is concerned- the money should be refunded to me by the bank. And the important thing is that I have it back. Even if I didn't realize it was lost originally. So that's that.

The bad thing is, I have a hard time just not thinking about the fact that I have lost 100 bucks somewhere. May be in the grand scheme of my life this won't feel like that much money....but when I don't even have enough to pay for next falls' tuition...100 bucks sure seems like a heck of a lot for this moment. That's 5 trips to London, at least 4 meals that I could have dined out in Oxford, 3 nights of weekday waitressing, an opportunity to do something that I may not feel like spending the money on now that it's already gone somewhere. Thinking about it is just distracting me from work at the moment. I only have so much junk in my room...it couldn't have just dissappeared.

Aside from being cut in line...losing money or being robbed is probably my second greatest source of frustration to an irrational extent.

Tonight the Regent's students are presenting the play Twelfth night. It looks beautiful outside for the moment so I guess we will be able to have it outside!! I should have worked more today. I guess there will always be work to do.