Hello Summer

My work for Oxford is finally finished.



This last essay came in the middle of all the "end of year" excitement so it was really one of the hardest ones to concentrate on. I tried to read as much as possible thursday and friday because saturday we had our Final Fling and I knew I would be worthless for work. As of Sunday morning I still had 4 sources to go through before finally beginning my writing somwhere around 3am. My topic was to analyze the nature of power using the case of the US. I read for hours on sunday because I really was just unable to develop any kind of outline. Finally I just had to start writing.....I slept from 6 to 8:30 waking up several times. I think I kept dreaming about my topic because I would wake up with an idea but just didn't have the energy to write it down...When I finally got back up I somehow managed to regain focus and my argument ended up coming together much better than I expected. My tutor had some nice comments on it which was a welcomed reassurance for my last week at Oxford. I know that even if my understanding will never match his or a lot of other students around here- I have made a ton of progress in my own knowledge of IR and history. I have always considered my self to be a horrible history person. So I have really surprised myself that I've been able to retain a lot of what I have read and my tutor taught me over the weeks. Confidence may be a point I never get too in my discussions with other people. But it is exciting to feel like I have a solid understanding from which I can develop my opinions.



The tutorial system is so strange. I essentially have only spent 9 hours with my tutor this entire term, counting our first meeting prior to the Easter holiday. Basically at the point I have become adjusted to his teaching and become comfortable asking questions it is already time to move on to the next thing. As usual I spent Monday night in knots over my meeting the next day-whether I would remember what I've read , whether I would have had enough sleep by then to comprehend and speak sensibly...whether I would have come some what close to answering the question correctly. The next morning...I meant to wake up with plenty of time to read over notes and feel awake....but also as usual...I kept resetting my alarm until 10am when it was essential for me to get out of bed to make it on time. I can't believe I have actually been on time for every single tutorial this term. I think that is a life record for me. Part of this must be because my tutor had to meet me at the door outside of his office building- and I just can't imagine what the consequences would be if I just wasn't there waiting when he opened the door. In my mind I imagine him looking outside and immediately going back to his office...say I showed up 3 minutes later....there's no way he would come back down there...and there's no way i would try to find a way up to his office to ask for my tutorial. anyway, maybe that is why I've been on time lately.


The POINT of this is....I can finally stop thinking about all of that stuff. Summer is here. I like it a lot. Especially since its only in the 60s and 70s still...rather than the mini drought that i'm hearing of from back home.

I feel relaxed completely for the first time in a very long time....even last summer I had the pressure in the background that I needed to do reading for Oxford....I'm sure I'll remember all the studying I need to do for the next year when I get home. Until next Tuesday, I feel as though I've completed a 2 year process of work....and I haven't quite yet determined how I really feel about that. I'm sure I'll blog about it later....as in later when I'm studying again and wanting to put off work...